Puritan Calvinist’s blog – whooo was it hot in there!
I visited Adam, aka Puritan Calvinist’s blog and saw that he wrote something about how he would rather know God and suffer in protracted singleness. Well, there was an uproar of responses and there were arguments I had difficulty following.
I posted a comment about how being single past thirty could be a joyful experience. Sure, I am two years younger than thirty. It is all a matter of perspective. Wouldn’t wallowing in self-pity make it harder to meet someone? I’d rather be enjoy what I have, not dwell on what, or who, I don’t have. Maybe I will be thirty-something, single and sad about it – but I would like to rest in being comfortable in who I am and celebrating where God has me. A Christian man giving me a ring does not define my personhood and cannot completely fill the needs that only God can fill.
It can be difficult when it seems like the rest of the city is coupled up.
I have learned to be careful about the type of company I keep in my personal life. If I let myself be surrounded by negative thinking, self-pity and poor body image, I will come down emotionally, too.
Protracted singleness is a matter of perspective. People can be twenty-five years of age and feel as if they are past their time to get married. People can be thirty-eight and be content.
Oy, talking about singleness can be so emotionally draining.
LadyElaine said,
March 29, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I read your comments, and I couldn’t agree more here! Perspective definitely has a lot to do with it, and it also doesn’t help that churches still deal with the mindset sometimes that marriage= complete personhood, especially with women.
exchurchmouse said,
March 29, 2008 at 3:04 pm
LadyElaine,
Can I get a witness in here? Amen! I think that my biggest pet peeve is that many mainline churches in the States say that it is okay to be single past 30 years of age (or whatever their unwritten, or written benchmark age is), but they don’t actually demonstrate what they preach.
LadyElaine said,
March 29, 2008 at 4:01 pm
I also believe a big problem is that we’re so focused over here on ministering by demographic that we’ve subconsciously created social hierarchy and segregation. In addition, I think that we’ve allowed culture to dictate what total maturity is in the church instead of what the Bible teaches(and I’m talking about properly exegeted Scripture, not things taken out of context to prove a point.)
exchurchmouse said,
March 29, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Good points. But look at our seminaries (I used to be a seminary student at Moody) – look at how they are so segregated. It further aggravates the problem!
mj said,
March 30, 2008 at 8:42 pm
In my opinion, part of the problem is the American Church is too impersonal and individualistic. It is not really pro-marriage in practice, judging by their divorce rate and the fact they hardly have a sermon on the issue of marriage or singleness for that matter.
You guys seem to support McCulley’s views on singleness, which has good points but it’s naively passive and too buereaucratic. Don’t get me wrong. I dislike Maken and her arrogance and presumptous ideas. However, it’s just as wrong to say if people want to pursue marriage, it usually means they are not happy with themselves or they don’t believe they are whole person. NOT TRUE!!! What’s wrong with aspiring marriage especially where a mate will not drop from the sky in the middle of nowhere as soon as you ask for one? It is just as equally untrue as thinking relationships in general define our self-worth. That’ was what I dislike about the way American Christians deal with this stuff. They degrade one to uplift something else.
exchurchmouse said,
March 31, 2008 at 10:55 am
I am definitely not supportive of Carolyn McCulley’s views on singleness. I don’t believe that making opportunities to meet people is a slap on Sovereignty’s face (forgive me, I love personifications). I just think that if I were so unhappy about being single past a certain age, then obviously, I do not feel as if I am a sufficient person without a spouse. Life is too short to put on the sackcloth over singleness. It is tragic that people in the church do not want to help single people meet someone. So sometimes you just have to switch communities of fellowship or expand them.
Carolyn McCulley seems like a good woman, but I do not jump on her, or anybody’s bandwagon of singleness.
Thank you for posting a comment and I hope to have you back soon.