I think I am a Brazil-a-phile
Okay, fine, I should probably just pack up and move to Brazil – but I love Chicago too much. FYI, I have never been to Brazil before, but I think that the Portuguese language is beautiful. I also think that the Brazilians I have seen are the most physically attractive people I have seen. So, here is a song to show my love for Brazil.
A single revelation – an invalid equation
I like being single. I think that the one thing I don’t like is the feeling that no Christian man would choose me for a long term relationship. Friends and other folks assume that when I come out of a broken relationship, or I am rejected, I am sad because I don’t have a significant other. Being single in and of itself doesn’t make me sad – it is not being chosen! When I have seen Christian people enter new relationships that have thrived, and compared that to the failed relationships in my past, I have assumed that these Christian men have met me, kind of liked me and moved onto “greener pastures” – like the women pursued and proposed to.
This is good because now I have been working on thought management. How can I assume that NOBODY male and Christian of good character is ever going to be interested in dating me? In that case, I am “rejecting” faceless people I don’t know first by making such a self-defeating blanket assumption. By chaining the historical relationship fall outs and rejections and saying that rejection+rejection+rejection = always rejected single Christian woman – I am doing nothing but hurting myself and that is not honoring to God. If God is for us, who can be against us?! That equation I just illustrated is invalid and makes very little sense. But if I try to validate this equation, I am the common denominator for creating a mindset of low self-confidence and maybe, pushing away the right kind of people.
There was a season in my life when I contributed greatly to failed relationships and rejection. I made poor choices regarding the way I treated people and the way I treated my body. Over several years, I have really improved in many ways. (some moron is running down the hall and squeaking his sneakers 
) For the past year, I have really matured and developed in my character – especially in the integrity department. I am also aware of my authentic self- who God made me to be. I have my hobbies, neuroses and talents. If I am at a season of my life where I am okay with who I am and I try the best to be who God intended me to be, there is no more need to wear the yoke of the past or to wear the yoke of whether or not I will catch someone’s eye. Those things are too big to handle by myself and life is too short to allow mortal men to hold my sense of self-worth.
A couple of days ago, I decided that I want to just live my life and enjoy God and what He has in store for me. I feel as if a huge weight has dropped from my shoulders. If I am never pursued by a single Christian man – and I am doing the best I can to live my life and enjoy being around people and helping people – then I am at rest with that. If I am rejected again for whatever reason (doesn’t always have to be personal) – I’ll live. I would like to get married – but I would much rather focus on enjoying my life than worrying about what will happen later.
Ciao.
I am going to eat lunch.
I decided that I am done with my web work for the day, so I am going to eat lunch. I am very hungry. I wonder what I could buy for six dollars and under.
Coding and Transferring
I spent several hours staring at a computer. I have been working on two web based projects and for some reason, my links on the playground website are not working. I think it has something to do with files being transferred from the jump drive to my webdisk (the university gave me some space). It was kind of hard to concentrate because somebody keeps clearing his throat loudly (AHEM AHEM AHEM – every ten to thirty seconds). I know it isn’t his fault and that he is sick, but sometimes I wish I had Dreamweaver at home so I could do this project. I am sure my dad would purchase it for me if I asked, but my parents already give me a lot of things, so I am here at school getting this stuff done because my 30 day trial with Dreamweaver expired.
I think that the problem is a coding issue. Whenever I look at the code part of the screen, I notice that there is a path to my jumpdrive’s file, even though I transferred them over to the webdisk.
But, the point is, I have 90 percent of this stuff finished, the rest of it is mainly a coding and file transfer issue. It will get resolved by next week.
I have to go have some lunch and
Those pesky credit requirements…..
1. Rocks for Jocks – Geology (for anybody who is not into science, – I took the class – but I am definitely not a jock)
2. Physics for Poets- Physics (for anybody who is not into science)
3. Clap for Credit – Music Appreciation (for people who are not musically inclined)
Feeling nostalgic? Watch this!
Stinky Heartbreaker
Words can’t even describe how in love I am with this little stinker!
Relationship Devotional
Source: The Inner Voice of Love, by Henri J.M. Nouwen
“Open Yourself to the First Love”
“You have been speaking a lot about dying to old attachments in order to enter the new place, where God is waiting for you. But it is possible to end up with too many noes – no to your former way of thinking and feeling, no tho things you did in the past, and most of all, no to human relationships that were once precious and life-giving. You are setting up a spiritual battle full of noes, and you work yourself to despair when you realize how hard it seems, if not impossible, to cut yourself off from the past.
The love that came to you in particular, concrete human friendships and that wakened your dormant desire to be completely and unconditionally loved was real and authentic. It does not have to be denied as dangerous and idolatrous. A love that comes to you through human beings is true, God-given love and needs to be celebrated as such. When human friendships prove to be unlivable because you demand that your friends love you in ways that are beyond human capacity, you do not have to deny the reality of thelove you received. When you try to die to that love in order to find God’s love, you are doing something God does not want. The task is not to die to life-giving relationships but to realize that the love you received in them is part of a greater love.
God has given you a beautiful self. There God dwells and loves you with the first love, which precedes all human love. You carry your own beautiful, deeply loved self in your heart. You can and must hold on to the truth of the love you were given and recognize that same love in others who see your goodness and love you.
So stop trying to die to that particular real love you have received. Be grateful for it and see it as what enabled you to open yourself to God’s first love. “
Brokenhearted
I am trying not to cry because I am getting some work done for school and I am in a major time crunch. But, I have been fighting back tears. A little over a month ago, I met somebody I really liked, I’ll call him T.J. and we are attracted to each other, but he doesn’t want to date me. I am not naive -I also know that he is not interested enough in me to try to get to know me in the midst of his life situations. I respect where he is at and I myself spent a long time working through pain I experienced in a difficult relationship with Frank Lloyd.
I’m not blaming him for his decision at all or angry with him. He is smart for not rebounding into a relationship like I did last year. But I am just telling it like it is. If somebody really wants to get to know me in the context of a dating relationship, that somebody will make the time and work the imperfection into the relationship. If I’m irritated at someone, it is definitely God – but it should probably be me. Here is why:
I have experienced a string of unsuccessful relationships that never happened ever since I became a Christian. I am the common denominator for why this has happened consistently and I take full responsibility for choosing to emotionally invest in people who are not actively pursuing me.
Here is what I have been doing to guard my heart:
1) Praying openly to God about where I am at emotionally. 2) Reminding myself that I am worth being pursued. 3) Pursuing platonic friendships with both genders. 4) Refusing to categorize myself as a “picked over” person. (goes hand in hand with #2) 5) Reminding myself that there are men who will like me for me and pursue me. 6) Simultaneously letting myself grieve and focusing on positive relationships (like the people I had coffee with this afternoon).
I don’t feel as if I wasted time with this person. In fact, we don’t know each other well and I am open to being friends only. Obviously, we have a lot in common, life is short and it would be a pity if we did not remain friends. It is just a good thing that all of this happened early in our friendship so we don’t have to deal with months of mess and muck.
Hey people, it is very difficult to be Christian and single in the context of rejection. If you are married or dating someone – regardless of how irritating this person is – treat him or her like gold. Seriously. If your significant other is good to you and love Jesus, be very thankful. I don’t wish where I am at upon anybody else.
It is not enough to say that God loves me and to throw Bible verses at me. I think that there comes a time when brothers and sisters in Christ need to pray for and provide counsel others who have been rejected numerous times and to take this problem seriously.
Mousy loves country music!
It is probably kind of rare to find an Asian American person who loves country music, but I guess I am one of the few who loves country music and riding horses.
Oh drat and bother – the stupid WMG got rid of my favourite video – those grumps!
Here is something new:
