Relationships are not islands
I think that it is important for prospective spouses to get to know the parents and bridge the gap between both sides of the couple’s family, if it is feasible. Marriage is a community experience and relationship that is supposed to foster community, not be an isolated experience, apart from others.
When I started dating, I went out with men with minimal guidance from my parents. In fact, I made many naive decisions and ended up with men who were not very kind to me and had not made any headway in dealing with serious family of origin problems. Being involved in a relationship was more of an isolating than a communal experience. It was always just me and “so&so”.
Since I became a born again Christian, I haven’t been involved in any long term and serious relationships of substance, but I made a decision to be receive my parents’ blessing before whomever I am with in the future and I make a decision to get married.
I have a tendency to attract loners because I have a strong and gregarious personality, so I have developed a very high sensitivity to screening out prospective interests who exhibit serious signs of those traits. Solitude can be very good and healthy, but when it becomes antisocial and sometimes isolating, it can shut out the guidance family can offer us in navigating relationships. If a man I date doesn’t want to get to know my family and doesn’t want to do anything with my family and even worse, strongly discourages me from contacting my family and friends – he will have to go and look for someone else.
