Relationship Devotional
Source: The Inner Voice of Love, by Henri J.M. Nouwen
“Open Yourself to the First Love”
“You have been speaking a lot about dying to old attachments in order to enter the new place, where God is waiting for you. But it is possible to end up with too many noes – no to your former way of thinking and feeling, no tho things you did in the past, and most of all, no to human relationships that were once precious and life-giving. You are setting up a spiritual battle full of noes, and you work yourself to despair when you realize how hard it seems, if not impossible, to cut yourself off from the past.
The love that came to you in particular, concrete human friendships and that wakened your dormant desire to be completely and unconditionally loved was real and authentic. It does not have to be denied as dangerous and idolatrous. A love that comes to you through human beings is true, God-given love and needs to be celebrated as such. When human friendships prove to be unlivable because you demand that your friends love you in ways that are beyond human capacity, you do not have to deny the reality of thelove you received. When you try to die to that love in order to find God’s love, you are doing something God does not want. The task is not to die to life-giving relationships but to realize that the love you received in them is part of a greater love.
God has given you a beautiful self. There God dwells and loves you with the first love, which precedes all human love. You carry your own beautiful, deeply loved self in your heart. You can and must hold on to the truth of the love you were given and recognize that same love in others who see your goodness and love you.
So stop trying to die to that particular real love you have received. Be grateful for it and see it as what enabled you to open yourself to God’s first love. “
Honk Honk
I am going to Goose Island Brewpub in the famous Wrigleyville neighborhood on Saturday night. I coordinate a Christian social club for people in their 20s and 30s. I don’t advertise it because I want to see who is interested and then with the people who become active participants, I believe that we can construct the tone and the mission for our group. There are no gimmicks, denominational affiliations or hoops of politics to jump through. The social events are not there to entice people into a false sense of community. I started this meetup because it can be kind of boring for me when I go to the same church and see the same people. I tend to burnout if my only source of fellowship is through an institutional church. And to be quite honest – I am still trying to get to know people at Grace and I am not in any hurry to get initiated into a subgroup within Grace. I feel as if I can be myself in this social group because the politics and other baggage that comes with institutional churches are not present.
Anywhoo, back to Saturday’s venue – I am not a big fan of Goose Island, but the beer is pretty good and so is the food. Goose Island was a runner up to UnCommon Ground because of Goose Island’s location. It is so hard to miss Goose Island Brewpub because it is spitting distance from Wrigley Field.
I like church and I believe in the mission God has for my church. Politics exist in any sort of institution and I have accepted that. I am surrounded by all sorts of stimuli from academia, Gold Coast, family, Sparky (family dog), God, traffic, etc. After I deal with the stimuli, at the end of the day, I want to allow myself refreshing fellowship experiences. Personally, I need to experience fellowship from different angles so I can decompress.
I felt anxious throughout most of today. I think it had a lot to do with waiting in a smelly subway station for a sluggish Blue line train on my way to class and then waiting in the cold air for a smelly subway train on my way back to class. After I returned back to my neck of the concrete (ha!), I went to Grossinger Toyota to pick up my car. My car has become a regular “patient” at Grossinger.
I have a take home examination due on Tuesday. I started working on it a little on Monday and then today. Somehow, I feel better psychologically when I work at something a little at a time. I like to complete a rough draft and then edit it so I don’t feel rushed.
I don’t know how I made it through the last two years. I forgot due dates and often fell behind on a lot of the reading. I definitely attribute my improvement to changing my social environment. I never realized how much of a social and emotional drain I was in until I looked back and thought about how miserable I was. At that time, I felt as if I had to have a drink (or two, three, four…) to feel socially alive and I felt as if I were crazy for being miserable.
Well, I guess the moral of the story is that you can still be a Christian and maintain boundaries.
True Fellowship
I visited a church in the Wicker Park neighborhood of Chicago. The church is called Wicker Park Grace. I am not sure if they classify themselves as a church, but for the sake of fellowship community nomenclature, I will call it a church.
Very, very hospitable atmosphere. We had a period of silence during worship and we ate dinner afterwards and got to know each other better. I think that silence is such an undervalued form of worship in our culture. I need to think hard about how I define worship and culture and fellowship.
I am so glad I went out and made it. I will return again (if I don’t have other plans on Sunday night) in addition to going to my morning church.
There is a story behind the name “Exchurchmouse”, which will come again at a later time. But for now, I will just leave.
